As I was saying......

Well, hello there. anyone? anyone?

I took some time off, trying to decide if I really am a blogger, or a blogger wanna-be. I mean, there are blogs that I read because merely because they are well written and invariably entertaining. There are other blogs I read that go beyond this, they are written by people I feel a connection to and I want to keep up with what's going on in their lives. These are the blogs where I feel drawn to comment and these are the ones that inspired me to write my own blog, so I could share something of myself and my experiences beyond the smidgen of space allowed in a comment.

Blogging had given me a way to join what I saw were interlocking circles of friends. People whom not only commented on each others blogs but exchanged emails, IM's, or even phone calls on the side. A very few even visited each other. For a while I experienced this myself, and felt I really had made a some new friends. And then - I hadn't. There were a few people that faded out of that circle, that moved on leaving me behind. These were people that I had regular contact with outside of the realm of blogging, one of which I had actually met. I thought I had made some real friends and it turned out I hadn't.

As you can imagine, this was really disappointing. It made me really wonder about myself. Had I mistaken the depth of the connection? Had I done or said something that drove them away? I mean, I realize that things can go great until a certain point is reached and then something stops clicking or something becomes apparent that causes the other person to decide to back away. But what? In some ways I felt like a teenager again - unsure of anything or anyone. So I took some time off to see if I could figure it out.

I didn't reach any conclusions with regard to my lost friendships, but I did come to a few other realizations.

I missed you guys. I shouldn't abandon this community just because I was disappointed. And - I DO have some friends out there that don't deserve my abandoning them. So, I slowly started back. At first I used my reader to lurk here and there. Then I started posting an occasional comment where I couldn't not. And recently I found myself reading all of you again - but it wasn't the same. Because I wasn't participating.

So - I'm going to stop lurking, start commenting, and maybe even start writing a post here and there. Not that I'm a great writer, or have a burning within me to impart some important message. But I am a part of this and want to share it with you. I hope that there are a few of you that still care enough to read, but if not - well, it's my own damned fault and I can live with that.