Monday, March 31, 2008

let me have it!

Between the crud, pine pollen and an MRI I've not had much motivation to blog lately. I've just not had anything I've wanted to talk about enough to find the energy to put an entry together.

So, I'd thought I'd borrow this "meme" and take questions from the floor. Ask anything you wish in the comments and I'll write a post of the answers. Now's your chance to find out about that thing that's been nagging you in the back of your head, or stuck in your craw. Nothing is sacred although I reserve the right to protect the privacy of the other people in my life.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

wow, part 2

I cannot remember a time when I haven't been depressed. It is my status quo, my point of equilibrium. My problems reach way back into my childhood. I remember going to a child psychologist for a little while when I was about 11 years old, all I really remember is playing cards and that he/she (I can't remember which) had a neat machine for shuffling them.)

The wow that started this was the quote from Tuesday. The reason for wow has to do with almost a year of therapy that I thought didn't do me any good. This was about 10 years go, and the therapist's conclusion was that my depression was rooted in my relationship with my father. I had not received the love/support/attention/whatever from my dad that I needed. The problem I had with this conclusion was that I didn't believe it. I love my dad and respect him for who he is and what he's accomplished in his life. I just couldn't reconcile what I felt for my dad and what my therapist told me was the problem.

And then I read the wow passage and it slapped me in the face. I didn't have to defend my feelings for my dad by denying what the therapist told me. It wouldn't be a betrayal to acknowledge his role in my emotional state.

I don't know if I agree with my therapist, even with this realization. But I really wish I could have read this back then, I might have been able to get something out of therapy other than a huge bill.

I have a lot to think about.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


I just read something.

"It never occurred to me that I can examine the past and accept that my childhood was not normal without being vindictive or resentful toward my Mom and Dad. They screwed up a lot; so do I. It doesn't make me love them any less fiercely than I do and it doesn't make me think for one second that they were bad parents."

I wouldn't say that my parents screwed up a lot, but SOMETHING SOMEWHERE caused this constant, unrelenting depression that NOTHING has been able to relieve.

Maybe life can be a happy experience?

Monday, March 10, 2008


okay, here's what was ordered:

Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
The Killers - Sam's Town
The Dandy Warhols - Odditorium or Warlords of Mars
Ok Go - Oh No
Feist - The Reminder
U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
John Coltrane - Blue Train
Susan Tedeschi - Hope and Desire
Madeleine Peyroux - Half the Perfect World

a mix of new(ish) stuff and older standards. Thanks for all of your recommendations. I wish I could've ordered twice as much - but I still wouldn't have been able to get all of the new music you've shared with me.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I don't know about Omnipotence

Daisy has tagged me for this meme and I guess as she commands, I obey (kinda old-testamenty vibe here).

1) If I were an all-powerful being and ruled this world, I would:

Make sure every child was raised in a safe and happy home; well fed and educated to the extent they are capable. This would solve the majority of the problems in the world within a generation.

2) If I could be all-knowing, I would want to know:

The reality of all of the mysteries of the past. Did Nero burn Rome? Who was Lucy’s ancestor and descendants? Was Mary Magdalene Jesus’ wife, the “head” disciple, or camp follower? What did the seven wonders of the world really look like? Did Oswald act alone? Did Atlantis really exist? How is my first love doing? Where are my missing socks?

3) If I could move the heavens and the earth, I would:

Give people the wisdom to peacefully coexist.

4) If I had the power to shift time (or move through time) I would:

Go back and watch the world come into being. Watch the first spark of curiosity in mankind. Watch my children being born. Give people the opportunity to really see their what ifs……

5) If, in my infinite wisdom, I were able to bestow anything on anyone, I would:

Give everyone the ability to be happy.

6) If, looking back, I realized I had goofed when I made the world, I would fix:

How easy it is to hate.

As usual, I won't tag anyone - but if you feel compelled, take this up and link back so we can see.