Monday, July 30, 2007

Roger & David, they knew something.......

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

I haven't posted in a while. There are several reasons, some practical, some not.

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Work has take a large part of my energy the last 3 weeks. A project we've been working on since January was implemented the weekend before last, and we've been cleaning up since. It has been difficult to think of anything else lately.

I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

Summer has hit full blast. The drought from the beginning of summer has given away to rain, rain, rain. At least, so it seems. I try to mow the lawn, or work on the house, or go outside to play with the dog and it starts sprinkling, or it's just finished raining.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.

But it's more than work or the weather. I've been mired in melancholia for a while now. I don't seem to have any mental energy. I've no creative energy. I can't find anything I'm sufficiently interested in to blog about. I read your blogs and I am hard pressed to find a comment, so they wind up being half-assed, superficial blurbs.

When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

I read through posts or comments of the people who went to Blogher and see the enthusiam and the obvious blast that it was and (other than a slight envy that people are meeting in person) all I get out of it is a "eh, so" kinda feeling.

Just a little pinprick. [ping]
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

I don't know right now what I can do to kick myself in the ass and wake up here. It isn't that there aren't things to look forward to. I'm 6 - 8 weeks from my trip to Bahrain. I had been tutoring myself in Arabic, trying to pick it back up and I've lost interest in that too.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

I did wake up briefly for HP7, but that was quickly gone too (I read too damned fast). The movie was good, saw it the same day I bought the book. Somehow, I don't think Balls of Fire will make up for the ending of the HP series.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.

So, this is why I'm not on top of my game right now. It's been easier not to post than to. But I haven't stopped trying. The pendulum will swing, as it always does, and I will get back into things. Just be patient with me, I would appreciate it.

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

28 deeply creased, dogeared comment(s):

Anonymous said...

Hey, there's nothing wrong with not posting/commenting when you don't have anything to say.

Personally, I hate the heat so much, I get this far into the summer season and I can't wait until fall. And you know what? I saw "pumpkin" M & Ms at the supermarket today. Huh?! That sort of snapped me back into the present.

"When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye." That line is haunting.

Save your energy, do what you have to do.

Liv said...

Do not---I repeat, do not make me drive over there and give you a hug. OR worse, I could tag you for that dreadful meme I just did. Watch it, mister! Hang in there. Don't comment, take pleasure in being a 'lurker'.

Susanne said...

At least you know that his will pass. It might be some summer thing that has been going 'round lately. I, too, felt a bout of blogging melancholia.

In your case it might simply be a case of too many different things going on. And on finishing a project one always feel down. (One always thinks it would feel all geat. Well, it doesn't.)

And, like De says, it's okay to lurk too.

Rachel said...

The only thing I can add to those excellent comments is that it's okay! I hope things calm down for you, seriously. Being depressed sucks.

Heres your cyber hug! ***SQUEEZE***

meno said...

Sounds like postproject depression to me. You just birthed a big baby. Take some time to rest.

I'd rather you posted when you felt like it rather than trying to force yourself.

katrice said...

And yet this was a completely fascinating post. Sounds like moderate depression to me. I'm hoping this passes quickly.

thailandchani said...

I like the way you wrote this. We all feel that way, from time to time.

Arabic. Wow. :)

Nothing wrong with lurking. I do it sometimes, too.



amusing said...

Tut, tut. It looks like rain.

Mother of Invention said...

Do not despair..we all go through that, albeit perhaps to a lesser degree. The intense heat we're having up here this summer makes me dysfunctional so we finally got a window air con.
The rain too must be a bit depressing for you...oh, how we need it here! The farmers are crying.
Soldier on, Bob.

Bob said...

de - thanks, I owe you a gratitude button back!

liv - you have ferreted out my diabolical plan, I wrote this post with the express purpose of getting a hug from a flexible yogist.

suzanne - that seems to be the consensus, I have post-project depression. I have birthed a system and turned it loose on the world.

rachel - thanks, hon, for the fabulous cyber-hug. I needed that. now, if liv would only show up.......

meno - I write better when motivated. I'll wait a little and then try not to perpetrate crappy blogging on you.

katrice - thanks for the complement! I think you're right about the depression. I have that tendency.

chani - I, by no means, claim any propriety to this feeling. arabic - used it at NSA.

amusing - I think I s-u-s-p-e-c-t something. got a balloon handy?

MoI - we have window a/c's too, they are a life-saver.I will endeavor to persevere. thanks.

Girlplustwo said...

for some reason i am inspired to smoke a joint. must be all that floyd in the house.

and bob, hey...there is no pressure here. first things first..we'll still be hanging aroudn when you are ready.

Bob said...

jen - or maybe some blotter?????


Elliot said...

I know where you're coming from. The gap betwixt my posts has, lately, widened, due to life with a capital LIFE, so, we's understand. Stick with it.

Lee said...

I'm in the same place. For legal reasons, I am not able to post about what I'm going thru, and posting anything else seems superfluous.

I hope you brighten soon!

urban-urchin said...

bob- just stop by and say hi. no more no less is expected. sorry you're down- many of us have been there and are here to give you cyberhugs or an ear.

fyi- my senior quote was
"When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone."
Can't you picture me all in black scowling at those happy kids who used Walt Whitman or Thoreau quotes?

The Atavist said...

If you can still connect the dots, especially to anything Pink Floyd, you're still OK. Hello... hello...!? Yep, I can see you nodding. That trip to Bahrain sounds like the opportunity for a blast, if you can spare some moments from the mundane work chores. Have fun.

Bob said...

Jeremiah - I could use some life with a lower-case l. I'll stick with it if you do.

Thanks for coming by.

lee - I hope you catch a break, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

I hope things brighten for you too.

urban-urchin - I'm guessing you weren't a cheer-leader.

I'll take all the hugs I can get.

Sieg - I have these brief glimpses of normalcy! I am looking forward to my trip and to exploring the environs.

jaded said...

Unwinding sucks. I'm in the process of settling back into my normal life without something new and exciting to anticipate. I know something will fill the void just maybe not at this exact moment.

We'll be waiting for you when you have the urge to return.

urban-urchin said...

I WAS a cheerleader (for one year only and to get out of gym).

Bob said...

patches - thanks.

uu - ohmygod. a goth cheerleader? weren't you the one that spent an angsty year of high school in london listening to the cure, or was it the clash?

Antonia Cornwell said...

Comfortably Numb makes me cry whenever I hear it. I was stupid enough to put it on a driving CD for my car and ended up wiping away a blur from my eyes on the motorway.

I get down in the way you describe, bored shitless, "pffft". We had buckets of rain and it was immensely frustrating, not being able to mow the lawn until it was knee-high. My blog nearly died this summer from apathy on my part.

I'll be hanging in here like everyone else until you feel happier again. In the meantime, enjoy skiving off. Put your feet up, turn the speakers up loud and listen to some damn good music.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I sometimes wonder what happened to the things I caught fleeting glimpses of as a child. They had names, and messages.

It's nice to see you here in writing again. Feel better and feel no pressure to perform. We're happy to be here whenever the time feels right to you.

urban-urchin said...

it was the cure (and the clash) and yep I was a walking contradiction. A pissed off punky goth cheerleader at an American School in London. Go figure.

Back to say- thinking about you and hope you're doing well....

OhTheJoys said...

I have been feeling exactly like this for about a month - maybe six weeks.

Maybe it's just too hot or something.

Liv said...

hey you. it is a wretched time in this climate. and, although since i am presently hitting the skids and am unqualified for cheerleading duties, i submit to you that things will most probably get better.

Moogie said...

Hang in there bob. No pressure from this side of the fence. Post and comment when you feel better. I've been battling this myself. It was great to see you at my place today.

meno said...

just popping over to say hi.


Bob said...

you folks are da' bomb.

thanks for comin' by and cheering me on.