A foggy day, in London town...

....meaning it's the same-old, same-old around here.

I have these pain pills I take before I go to bed so my shoulder won't wake me up with the impulse to cut it off immediately. The pain of the amputation would both distract me from the pain in my shoulder and it at least would go away eventually. In the moments between when the meds take affect and when I drift off to sleep I write these wildly elaborate blog posts in my head, meandering from topic to topic that are so clearly within everyone's experience that I would garner many comments regaling me on my observations and my profound way of summing up everyman's life experience in such a succinct way.

And the next day you are subjected to this. dreck.

Nothing much is happening around here. All we lack getting ready for our trip to Paris next month are purchasing some cheap sunglasses that, should they be lost, won't be missed. Laura is still working on her french, she is loath to be in the same situation as last year in Versailles - having TO GO really badly and not understanding the french directions to the loo in the back forty somewhere or another. Euros were purchased last month, not in time to get ahead of the tanking dollar, but ahead of this month's tank. We bought a street map Sunday and are finalizing our itinerary. We are staying in Montmartre and going hither and yon on the metro.

As for my shoulder, I moved my next appointment up to this Friday as the cortisone might as well have been water for all of the good it did. We will see.

Happy New.....well, luke-warm, no actually cold like a dead fish new year

Sorry for the absence, but I kinda took a break from writing this blog when we went on vacation to spend Christmas with Laura's family. We had a great time, (almost) everyone was doing great. I got to meet my new nephew and he is quite the handsome young man I must say. His sister is a precocious two-year-old who likes PINK! Everything must be PINK! She wanted a train set for Christmas (PINK!) but Santa didn't find it until after, so it will have to be a birthday gift (if she remembers that long).



All in all our trip to KC was great. There was lots of snow (great) but a good bit of ice (not so great) and lots of family (super-great). We got to see everyone and still had time for the new museum addition and BBQ! Twice, even. Laura and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary while there (I'll have to check, if I haven't related the tale of our wedding I'll have to do so sometime). We're a bunch of old farts, all we did was go out to dinner (japanese steak house, the only part of which Laura talks about is where they were tossing shrimp into the upturned mouths of customers). We are planning to make our 25th an event with a trip to Greece (where our marriage took off and the kids were born). Anyway, we had fun in KC and left it as we found it - being snowed on.

After we got home I almost immediately got sick. AGAIN! The nerve of those cold bugs, hitting me before and after Christmas. This time it is even worse. I went from having a sore throat to thinking I was going to die from the pain every time I coughed, to loosing my voice (some people count that as a positive!) to being a lethargic, unproductive lump up until today, when I am a merely partly productive lump. I am attempting to work today (although I don't know if my boss thinks so or not) but I am not sure I will last the day out. To top it off, one of the meds the doctor gave me is playing havoc with my prostate and urinating has become somewhat a chore. (I know, TMI, but if I'm suffering, so will you) So, who knew the price to pay for getting my voice back was restricted water works.

In brighter news (and not so personal) this weekend I am meeting with my best friend and his clan (or maybe just his girlfriend - I don't know yet) to do Christmas/New Years/birthday(his). No drunken debauchery as we both are driving but I think we'll manage to have fun.

I'm sorry for having dropped off of the face of the earth, I don't have but a few readers as it is to risk losing them for lack of presence - I promise to do better. cross my heart and hope to... well, no need to go that far.

.....finish last?

damn. I can't believe it's been two weeks. I am all scattered these days.

I am so scattered, in fact, it has taken me a week to acknowledge that Liv was sweet enough to give me this:




she is, of course, utterly delusional - but as she's been under a wee bit of stress lately, what with the moving and being near-death with the crud and all, I'll not burst her bubble.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I've always been the nice guy. I.e. not the one the girls fight over, but the one they complain to when he didn't pick them. So I suffer silently and hold their hand and tell them what a jerk he is not to recognize what a great catch she is and that he's not worth it anyway.

ANYWAY.

I have just spent a gajillion dollars on plane/car reservations for our trip to Kansas City. We are spending Christmas with Laura's family this year. It'll be the first trip since Laura's mom passed away and it'll be.....weird. I offered Laura a chance to go over labor day weekend and she wasn't ready for that first trip back yet. But by December I think enough time will have passed,Laura will have had time to prepare and having her family around will help. Maybe it'll be a white Christmas!


P.S. What exactly is in that picture? It looks like a woman's bare back w/brastrap and a ?knee? in the foreground, or maybe she's got scoliosis and has an extremely narrow posterior?

Roger & David, they knew something.......

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

I haven't posted in a while. There are several reasons, some practical, some not.

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Work has take a large part of my energy the last 3 weeks. A project we've been working on since January was implemented the weekend before last, and we've been cleaning up since. It has been difficult to think of anything else lately.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

Summer has hit full blast. The drought from the beginning of summer has given away to rain, rain, rain. At least, so it seems. I try to mow the lawn, or work on the house, or go outside to play with the dog and it starts sprinkling, or it's just finished raining.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.

But it's more than work or the weather. I've been mired in melancholia for a while now. I don't seem to have any mental energy. I've no creative energy. I can't find anything I'm sufficiently interested in to blog about. I read your blogs and I am hard pressed to find a comment, so they wind up being half-assed, superficial blurbs.

When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

I read through posts or comments of the people who went to Blogher and see the enthusiam and the obvious blast that it was and (other than a slight envy that people are meeting in person) all I get out of it is a "eh, so" kinda feeling.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick. [ping]
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

I don't know right now what I can do to kick myself in the ass and wake up here. It isn't that there aren't things to look forward to. I'm 6 - 8 weeks from my trip to Bahrain. I had been tutoring myself in Arabic, trying to pick it back up and I've lost interest in that too.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

I did wake up briefly for HP7, but that was quickly gone too (I read too damned fast). The movie was good, saw it the same day I bought the book. Somehow, I don't think Balls of Fire will make up for the ending of the HP series.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.

So, this is why I'm not on top of my game right now. It's been easier not to post than to. But I haven't stopped trying. The pendulum will swing, as it always does, and I will get back into things. Just be patient with me, I would appreciate it.

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

Truthiness

I left a comment over at De's recently wherein I said the following "Blogging has given me a way to reach out in a controlled way - I get to decide how much of me everyone sees....". This was said within the context of De describing how little she sees of her neighbors and how little she feels a part of the neighborhood. What I meant to say was that I was much like her in that I see little of my neighbors and that blogging has given me a way to reach out and create a community that I feel I can belong to. But I do believe Freud intervened and I have inadvertently stated a truth.

The challenge for me in blogging is, much as it is in real life, to be completely candid in what I write here as well as what I comment elsewhere. None of you know me in "the real world" and can't call me on any untruth I might tell. It would be easy to write about myself as I wish I were instead of how I really am. But I don't. At least, I don't here any more than I do when talking about myself anywhere else. Much is said about the anonymity of the internet and the license it carries to do and say anything. But I don't exercise that license. Bob is my real name (nickname), but I haven't shared my full name here nor the specifics about where I live and where I work. I worry a bit about something I write here coming back to haunt me, but I don't know what. I'll never be popular enough for groupies nor controversial enough for someone to seek me out but there is this niggling worry I haven't yet got rid of. All of that being said, I really try to tell the truth about myself and what I think about any given topic.

But I haven't discussed several things here that I might have. There is a line that I have yet to cross. I'm not sure where the line even is, but I am aware of the reluctance in me to discuss certain things. Sex or politics, for instance, are topics that I don't see being discussed in the blogs that I read that in turn read here - so I don't blog about them. It isn't that I don't have views or opinions about these topics (ask Laura, she'll tell you in a hearbeat that I have an opinion about everything!) but I guess the absence of posts about them in the blogs I regularly read leads me to believe that they aren't topics for discussion here.

Don't get me wrong, there is little I won't talk about if asked. But much of the decision to talk about something depends on who is asking or who the audience is. I don't see the anonymity of the internet as freeing. I tend to base my decision on whether to post or comment about something as if I were talking to someone.

Do you have topics that you consider off-limits? Why?

*** This post was really published Thursday, 12 April - not Monday as stated above. I began it then and forgot that blogger hangs onto the original date unless you tell it otherwise - and I forgot to tel it otherwise. I only mention this because I am frequently disconcerted when seeing a new post at a blog I visit daily and it is dated 3 days ago!***

Wondering......

I have been tagged with the Thinking Blogger Award. I have somehow convinced TWO bloggers that I make them think. Who knew? I am still at the stage of being surprised that anyone is interested in reading my blog. So I am honored that Urban-Urchin and Lex of On Second Thought not only read me, but that I give them pause to consider - or reconsider - why certain things are as they are. I thank you both.

My task today is to pass this forward. I have had a difficult time preparing this list, partially because most of the blogs I read daily are ones that check by here and I don't want this list to be self-selective - and because I just have to be a little different. These aren't in any particular order, I just jotted a few notes as I visited my normal daily/semi-daily reads.

Chani at Thailand Gal challenges me to reconsider the cultural norms of the U.S. as she writes of her progress/struggles in assimilating herself into Thai culture and philosophy.

De at Sober Briquette challenges me with her absolute honesty about herself. She sets a high standard in discussions about ourselves.

I still think of my next thinking blogger as Grannyvibe, but she has a new blogger identity as Lymphopo over at As The Tumor Turns. She is one of the most remarkable people I've run across in the blogsphere. At her former blog she wrote about living in southern Louisiana, racism, etc. She was diagnosed with cancer last year and disappeared for a while, then resurfaced to write about her experiences with cancer. She is amazing.

Sieg Pedde at The Atavist is a fairly new read for me, but in this short amount of time he has really made me reexamine the basis for several of my beliefs. He brings an intellectual rigor to any topic being discussed that I truly respect.

Jen at One Plus Two challenges my heart as she writes about her struggles with her vocation as well as the other roles she finds herself in that maybe she didn't anticipate.

There are so many more blogs I read, I couldn't include them all here. Each has its own unique viewpoint on the world that I appreciate and that brings me back time and time again. In their own way, they all are thinkers and for those not listed above, I extend special mentions! Thank you all for including me in your worlds.

and to all a good night.

We had a good, if quiet anniversary. We did a little last-minute Christmas shopping and then went to dinner. Our kids treated us to our favorite japanese steak house. I could bearly move afterwards. Throughout the day we took our time and I was able to make Laura laugh every now and then.

I find that I have taken to blogging somewhat. the mechanics are difficult for me, my punctuation and grammar skills are atrocious. But I have met some new friends and am learning about life from others' prospective. I am also learning a little about myself. The process of writing these posts forces me to think through what I'm writing about.

In any case, I have enjoyed meeting you all and wish for you happy holidays and a Merry Christmas.

P.S. no call from the vet (surprise!). No news is good news, right?

....or is it just me?

I read a blog post the other day which contained the following:

In other news, the OJ book (titled something like IF I KILLED THEM, HERE'S HOW I MADE MONEY OFF IT IN SPITE OF THOSE PESKY OLD SON OF SAM LAWS) was pulled just DAYS before it was due to hit stores and I for one am having a weird little surge of hope for humanity in response. Good for us! YAY for people with souls, HUZZAH to good balky booksellers who just said no. Score one for decency. And maybe even another for good taste and even kindness.

to which I made the following comment:

I can't believe that Fox thought it a good idea in the first place.

But there's a lingering thought - what about the 1st amendment? Everyone has a right to a voice, not just the popular people - and even those with extremely bad taste and no morals. Let the book be published and then languish. (I understand that) the money goes to his kids, so excepting the publicity there wasn't any gain from him exploiting his wife's death anyway. There is a lot of crap out there that's been published. Should we as a people be able to prevent something from being published? Except for special circumstances (yelling fire in a crowed theater) free speech means free speech. let him have his book. In my opinion, it's just like anything else. If you don't like it, don't buy it or don't watch it. And - I am wary of anyone's criticism of a book or a movie if they haven't read it or seen it.

I am sorry if I seem sanctimonious, I try not to be. I wouldn't have read his book but I wouldn't have stopped it from being published either. I complain when preachers tell their congregation to not watch a movie or not read a book when they themselves haven't read or seen it. I try not to "preach" one thing and do another.

to which she replied:

Bob -- I repectfully disagree.

It's November. NaNoWriMo is on, and TENS of if not HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of novels will be completed this month. I predict that less that .001% of them will be purchased for 7 figures by a major New York Press and given a big media push, BUT I don't think NaNo-ers are having their first amendment rights violated.
The first amendment does not guarantee the right to a major publishing deal. No one has "silenced" him. He can EVEN NOW publish his evil pile of exploitative crap using Xlibris or Lulu. Heck, he can print it up on tracts and pass it out at the bus station or put it up on his My Space page. No one will arrest him...
...as long as he GIVES the story away, thank you. He may have legal problems if he DOES make dime one because I think the IF in the title is a BLATANT and ugly end run around the Son of Sam laws...
But my point is, he has the right to say or WRITE anything he likes, but no one has the right to front table space in B and N. And that's all he has lost.
I REMAIN GLAD!

I then followed up with:

point taken. revoking a publishing deal is not violating his 1st amendment right to speech. Spending the money to promote his book thereby preventing other people from being published is a bad thing.

This is obviously a sore point for you and I apologize for having commented in the first place.

(I should point out that this blog is written by published author.)

I was merely trying to stimulate a little discussion about an observation: with some public pressure Fox pulled a publishing deal and that smacked to me of a first amendment issue. The relative worth of his book vs. anyone else's is beside the point. Should the public be able to ban/stop/etc. unpopular speech. To me it is nit-picking to state that he could self-publish and therefore his rights haven't been abrogated. People complained, his book was stopped from being published. It isn't as if his publishing contract was cancelled during the initial phase of the deal, or that he was passed over for being published - the book had been sent to the printers and they had to stop the presses. Anyway, the blogger goes on to mention that O.J. could be in legal trouble with regard to the son of sam laws (the laws that prevent someone from profiting from an illegal act that they committed). Well, like it or not, whether you agree or not, O.J. was not convicted of killing his wife and her lover. (I have to admit that I don't know if his civil conviction counts here or not).

This blogger obviously has strong opinions/feelings about the O.J. case and the general difficulty of getting published. I didn't understand then, and I still do not understand, why people feel so strongly about this particular pair of murders. Whether people view it as a travesty of justice, or of the ability to buy a verdict by hiring top-gun lawyers or what. Or legal system may not be what it should or could be, but it is still the best we have. 12 of his, and our, peers decided that he wasn't guilty. I can also understand why an author would get worked up about the difficulty of getting published and the inequality of him being published over more deserving work - but it happens every day. I was taken aback by the vehemence of her response to my comments more than anything. I hadn't seen that in her blog before.

But - it is her blog and she is allowed to rant when the mood strikes. As you may can tell by my last comment to her, I was sorry I had said anything. I didn't get a discussion as much as I got a diatribe. I won't take as much pleasure reading her blog from this point forward. Maybe it is a bit immature of me, but I don't appreciate being yelled at. (even if she did respectfully disagree before she let me have it with both barrels). So, I am a bit confused. Am I justified in being a little upset about the exchange, or should I just get over it?

I will probably do both.